DO YOU TRULY *KNOW* (OR CARE FOR THAT MATTER) EVERYTHING I'VE WENT THROUGH TO GET WHERE I AM?

i'm reminded of how i'm NOT able to do things i've proven i'm STILL capable of doing, then i get angry and i find something to do to take my mind off how i'm a USELESS FUCKING PAWN that people don't concern themselves with because it's NOT THEIR PROBLEMS PERSONALLY. i had my driver's permit when i lived in burnsville and i drove my ex's car a few times. so i'm not really sure how amanda or anyone else who supposedly "cares" about me can live with themselves just watching me struggle to get my life back and be successful and TRULY happy and i DON'T MEAN WASTING MORE OF MY DAMN TIME AT COURAGE KENNY SINCE MY GRANDMA SWORE TO ME THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE TO RETURN THERE AFTER SHE DIED BECAUSE AMANDA WOULD HAVE ME LIVING IN NEW YORK! more proof that amanda DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME BECAUSE SHE'S NOT WILLING TO HELP ME IF IT DOESN'T BENEFIT HER IN SOME WAY. the fact that i've shown absolutely NO interest in hauling my ass mindlessly to courage kenny where her super kewliez sister-in-law is a therapist (so if she's ANYTHING like the other therapists there- she's ignorant, unhelpful, and entitled while trying to take advantage of vulnerable adults.. :o KINDA LIKE AMANDA IS TO ME!). amanda used to warn me i'd hate her because she'd have me working so hard.. WHEN DOES THAT START, GENIUS?! WHEN YOU LEARN TO REALIZE WHAT PEOPLE (WHO DON'T BENEFIT YOU) GO THROUGH?! wait.. that's empathy and that's too difficult and inconvenient for you to do. I KNOW MY GRANDMA IS ROLLING IN HER GRAVE NOW. GREAT CARING NEICE! *ROLLS EYES* do you ever stop to think that MAYBE i'm UNABLE to move myself and get myself where i really want to live because NO ONE LISTENS TO A DAMN VULNERABLE ADULT?! i had hopes that i was actually gonna move where I want but with zen acting like i'm a handicap idiot- so he can tell me whatever he wants because i'm too stupid to realize the truth.. i'm kinda thinking this will just be another 10 years or whatever acting like i'm actually getting something done with moving and IT'LL BE TIME FOR PEOPLE TO LIE AND SAY I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF INDEPENDENTLY (LIKE THEY HAVE BEFORE NUMEROUS TIMES- WHICH IS WHY I HAD TO TAKE ALL THESE TESTS TO PROVE :o I AM CAPABLE OF HELPING MYSELF SO I COULD CONTINUE LIVING INDEPENDENTLY NO THANKS TO MY *SUPPOSED* ADVOCATE BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T PERSONALLY FIND BENEFIT IN HELPING ME GET WHERE I TRULY WANT TO BE IN LIFE!) i've lived in the courage residence when i stopped living with my devil-mom.. hm, now that i think about it- i may have lived in the courage residence TWICE in life, i've went through NUMEROUS years of therapy at courage kenny (i used to have videos on facebook proving it until elon muskrat had them all taken down because he wanted to gaslight me with courage kenny, so they could get more money off therapy I'VE ALREADY DONE AND YOU'D FUCKIN KNOW THAT IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME AS MUCH AS YOU TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM. GO FUCK YOURSELF. IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH TO GET WHERE I AM NOW AND YOU'RE SUPPOSEDLY SUPPOSED TO BE "ADVOCATING" FOR ME. JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY DOES NOT MAKE ME ANY LESS OF A PERSON. I HAVE GOALS AND A LIFE TOO. JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK I SHOULD GO TO COURAGE KENNY AND THEY'LL HELP ME- DOES NOT MEAN THAT'S CORRECT. YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY NEVER BEEN THERE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE. DON'T EVEN TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE YOU CARE BECAUSE YOU, MY MOM, AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE AND JAY) OBVIOUSLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME. YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET ANYTHING FROM ME GOING TO COURAGE KENNY- BUT MAYBE A FEW CALLS FROM COURAGE KENNY AND THE POLICE COMPLAINING ABOUT MY ERRATIC BEHAVIOR IF I GO. THAT MUST BE YOUR INTENTION. TRY TO MAKE ME GO CRAZY SO YOU CAN JUST MAKE YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A "CARING" RELATIVE WHEN YOU CLEARLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME. especially NOT since you don't find any benefit in my goals personally!) WHY AREN'T I MORE GRATEFUL WITH THE FACT THAT EVERYONE THINKS I'M TOO FUCKING STUPID TO HELP MYSELF AND LIVE AN ACTUAL LIFE OF MY CHOICE?! THEY IGNORE ALL THE WORK I'VE DONE TO AVOID GETTING MY RIGHTS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME AND THEY'RE STILL BEING TAKEN FROM ME. I SUPPOSE THAT MAKES AMANDA HAPPY BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANNA SEE ANYONE DOING BETTER THAN HER. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY CAME FROM BASICALLY THE SAME PLACE. why did my grandma think such an entitled, uncaring person would ACTUALLY HELP me?! THE CLOSER I GET TO MY FAMILY- THE CRAZIER I'LL GET. SO FOR YOUR BEST INTERESTS- I SUGGEST YOU ACTUALLY DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO ASSIST ME IN LIVING IN THE BOSTON/CONCORD AREA. that's not a threat. that's a promise. you're an idiot if you think i'm lying because my history in life seems to tell a different story- it may not happen now.. but i PROMISE you, i'll get FAR AWAY from my narcissistic mom and her flying monkeys.. she'll probably be too old to remember me anyway judging by how i'm pretty sure she thinks and her mental capacity (or lackof) now.